Forty-four years ago, I walked into my first “Big Law” firm and was escorted through a “server” room full of gigantic computers. Today, the cell phone I carry has more memory and functions than almost the entire room combined. But when I began practice, there were no cell phones, no fax machines and no email. If opposing counsel wanted to contact you, she needed to know the “mailbox rule,” which at least provided you with a few days to consider any response. Today, communications between opposing counsel are nearly instantaneous; you may only have minutes to consider your response. Clients are demanding immediate answers. In so many respects, the practice of law today is much more demanding and stress-inducing. Attorneys—and particularly litigators like me—have one of the highest suicide rates of any profession. Substance abuse is an extremely difficult problem which state bars across the nation are trying to address. Yet, we still teach the role of a litigator is to fight, fight, fight until you prevail before a judge or jury—or just weigh the other side down until they don’t want to fight anymore.

Trial advocacy courses, in-house and at law schools across the country, emphasize mantras like “tell them you’re going to tell them, tell them, then tell them you told them.” Missing in many of these courses are negotiation skills that assist new counsel in learning how to communicate so as to avoid having to “fight” your opposition. Check any number of billboards as you traverse the roadways, and you will see ad after ad encouraging the public to select the most aggressive lawyer with the biggest verdict numbers. Everybody wants to be a big winner and carry away a big bag of cash. After nearly five decades of dealing with this, I’ve been looking for a better way to work—and to live.