In movies and TV shows, we've gotten used to seeing arch villains plotting complex schemes, and evil geniuses managing to stay one step ahead of even the most intrepid detectives. But in everyday life, we see far more evidence of the opposite—that the criminal element may not be all that bright. Take, for example, the mastermind who thought he'd hit upon a way to use the HOV lane without getting busted—by putting a Halloween prop skeleton in the passenger seat, cleverly disguised with a camouflage fishing cap. But Arizona Department of Public Safety troopers weren't fooled, and the offending driver was ticketed for HOV and window tinting violations. No one should have a bone to pick with that.

And how about what a Florida Highway patrolman encountered during a routine traffic stop recently? After pulling over a car traveling 25 miles per hour over the speed limit, the trooper observed something suspicious in the vehicle—a bag with the rather helpful embossed label, "Bag Full of Drugs." A sheriff's K-9 unit alerted the police to the presence of contraband (as if seeing something prominently identified as "Bag Full of Drugs" wasn't enough) and inside the bag were 75 grams of methamphetamine, 1 gram of cocaine, 3.6 grams of fentanyl, 15 ecstasy tablets, drug paraphernalia, and 1.36 kilograms of GHB. Helpful hint: If you're going to traffic in illegal narcotics, it might be a bad idea to store them in something called a "Bag Full of Drugs."

Speaking of drugs, we often hear about suspects who eat their stash in a desperate effort to get rid of evidence. The popular ditty, "Don't Eat Your Weed," by two Waco attorneys, spells out why that's a bad idea. But few people go as far as 30-year-old Dwight Vaughan of Syracuse, New York, who's been accused of fatally stabbing a man following a car crash in March 2019. When he was brought in for questioning, Vaughan began eating his shirt. Detectives rushed in and collected the shirt before Vaughan could finish his "meal." The shirt, which had small red circular drops on it that could be blood, has been sent for testing. Given his low standards, at least Vaughan isn't likely to complain about jail food.