Take a seat, New York Big Law associates. This may be hard to hear.

For the price of a 438-square-foot condo on the Upper West Side, you could live at 10827 Cranbrook Road. Two Roman Doric columns and double hardwood doors welcome you home to 3,144 square feet of American dreamscape. Inside, marble floors pave the way to four bedrooms, 4.5 bathrooms, a kitchen with granite countertops and a dining room with an ornate china cabinet and gold fringed drapes picked by Carmela Soprano herself.