Good news, dear readers: It’s time for the TWITA Awards! As in years past, this prestigious accolade is awarded annually to individuals and groups or organizations that have represented the legal profession in an exemplary manner and have rendered great service to society and/or the legal profession. The selection process is grueling, but a nightcap and some classical music takes the edge off.

We have learned that the troublesome Union for the Protection of Consonants (UPC)—still fuming from last year’s slate of TWITA honorees (attorneys Kamala Harris, Jaynee LaVecchia and Fabiana Pierre-Louis)—has discovered the identity of this year’s winner and has accused the TWITAs of systemic anti-consonantal bias. They threaten suit unless this year’s winners demonstrate a vowel-to-consonant ratio more representative of the population. We made it clear that the TWITA Awards will not negotiate with terrorists.