Occasionally, friends of friends who are in the market for a mate will hit me up for some names or introductions to eligible Big Firm attorneys. “Oh, you work at MegaFirm? Do you know any single guys I can set up with my friend Lisa? She is so cute and just can’t find the right guy! Plus, her last boyfriend was — gasp — in documentary film school! The artsy bohemian thing is only cool until age 25. Now she is ready for a serious, driven career man. Any ideas?”

Nope. I refuse to be directly responsible for anyone marrying into the machine. But for those of you who think the idea of a mate with a job at a Big Firm is somehow appealing, I have a few tips for how you can land one of your very own!