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We finally replaced our old Sega at Christmas. The kids are in hog heaven. Meanwhile, I’m back in stores looking for video games that will keep their attention for more than 6.4 seconds. In the process of shopping for video games, I noticed something. You can evaporate, emasculate, eviscerate, disintegrate, masticate, regurgitate and generally mess with aliens, Star Trek Borg, creatures, Diablo (I and II), Egyptians, freaks, ghosts, hit men, invaders, Jack (as in “You Don’t Know Jack), Star Trek Klingons, losers, mutants, Nazis, orcs, Pok�mon creatures, Quake monsters, Regis, samurai warriors, tanks, vandals, wizards, X-Men, Yankees and Zelda — online, in 3-D with people you’ve never even met. But there aren’t any lawyer video games. Not one. That bothers me. You’d think that some game designer somewhere would have thought us worthy of attention as a game subject — if only as targets. But apparently we aren’t even a collective blip on the game world’s radar screen. It’s not fair. Lawyers are every bit as exciting as any other phylum drafted into service as intergalactic phaser fodder. Just sitting here right now I can think of at least a dozen great lawyer games that would look just as good on the shelves as what I saw at CompUniverse last weekend. Now, I suspect that you’re just a bit skeptical about all this, so let me give you an easy example ripped directly from today’s headlines. If it’s strategy you’re after, what could be better than “Class Action!” in which you can be a high-stakes plaintiffs’ lawyer? Choose among a dozen potentially dangerous products. Run through a maze of dangerous virtual corporate corridors protected only by the rules of discovery as you look for secret documents, using the game engine pioneered in Doom. Try to find hidden employee whistleblowers. Race the computer or other players online to sign up crucial class members. Compete for the critical resource points necessary to finance your litigation. And remember the statute of limitations … oops, the clock … is running, so don’t take too much time to get your suit filed. Get a bigger multiplier on your fee? Bonus points. Now, wasn’t that easy? We took an everyday life experience for many lawyers (at least a life experience many of us would like to have), added a little graphics acceleration and � poof! � we’re software moguls. But let’s not stop with just one game, because I’m just getting warmed up. Do you want to explore cutting-edge legal issues, such as capital punishment or whether Roe v. Wade should be overturned? I’ve got “Moral Kombat.” Into NASCAR or grand prix racing? They can’t hold a candle to “Race to the Courthouse,” in which you try to be the first to file and seize the best venue for that important case. You get the idea. But these are nothing. I’ve got an idea for the best lawyer video game ever. You’ve played SimCity, in which you create and build your own city. And you’ve played a host of clones, such as SimTower, SimFarm, SimIsland and SimSafari, in which you can, logically enough, create and build your own simulated tower, farm, island and safari. You can even play “The Sims,” in which you create your own neighborhood. They’ve sold millions. Building on this legacy, I propose “Sim, Sim & Sim,” the amazing simulation game where you can build your own firm. Partnership or P.C.? Plaintiffs’ work or defense work? One specialty or general practice? Single office, nationwide or international? You make the choices and watch what happens. We’ll put in those real-life crises that make life so hard. Disgruntled associates wanting more money? We’ve got them. Bankrupt clients? No problem. How about a grievance or two? You bet. Merge with another firm? Be careful or you’ll be laid off. Your IP section just left to join Patent, Lee, Obvious & Trite? Of course. I think “Sim, Sim & Sim” will be a best seller. It has excitement, glamour, big stakes and a great hook. After all, who wouldn’t want to try to build Skadden Arps or Cravath in just one night sitting around the old rumpus room. But you know what gives it the most appeal for me? It might just be the one chance I get to run a firm and not have to deal with lawyers. And that’s entertainment. Tom Alleman, a shareholder in Dallas’ Winstead Sechrest & Minick, couldn’t master Space Invaders, even after spending about $12,000 on it; for that very good reason, the opinions in this column are not necessarily those of Winstead Sechrest & Minick, its employees or Ms. Pac-Man.

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