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Americans do love their lawyers and politicians — at least on TV. The small screen offers dramatic evidence of how much law and policy entertain us. Of course, there’s “Ally McBeal,” “Law & Order,” “The Practice,” “Judging Amy,” and “Family Law” — all renewed for next season. Daytime television is awash in performing jurists as well. A veteran Bronx prosecutor recently appeared on “Law & Order: Special Victims Unit” — as a defense attorney. Conservative critics are in a lather over the insidious liberal bias of “The West Wing,” while a viewer quoted in a network ad just wishes that the real White House were more like the show. So why stop here? In the finest TV tradition of slavish imitation, let’s give the public what it clearly wants — more shows about lawyers and politicians. If I were running a network, this would be my lineup for next season: LORD OF THE FILES. Inspired by “Survivor” and “Big Brother,” this real-life surveillance program offers a shocking inside look at the law firm jungle. Thirty-five first-year associates start the season, but only one will survive to make partner. Hidden cameras record who’s really working, who’s goofing off, and who’s sneaking home before 8 p.m. To keep their jobs, associates must brown-nose the television audience and rat on their colleagues. At the end of each episode, an unseen committee of partners decides who will be “advised to seek other opportunities.” (Note to Casting: Find out if Brobeck’s Stacey Stillman is game for more.) AMERICA’S FUNNIEST DEPOSITION VIDEOS. Litigators like to tell deposition war stories, like the time they made a witness weep, or ridiculed opposing counsel’s lame question, or angrily declaimed (� la Brendan Sullivan) that they were “not a potted plant.” What couch potato could resist a half-hour of hilarious clips sent in by lawyers and court reporters across the country? THIRTEEN ANGRY MEN. This docudrama miniseries recounts the real-life saga of the House Republican managers during Bill Clinton’s impeachment trial. Convinced they’re right, they pursue their case to the very end, even as everyone else warns them that it’s a lost cause. BACK TO THE FUTURE IV. In a made-for-TV sequel, Neil Patrick Harris plays a frantic second-year associate so desperate to bill more hours that he steals a time machine. WHO WANTS TO BE THE PRESIDENT? Instead of a panel of know-it-all journalists, imagine the gangbuster ratings if Regis hosted a presidential debate on a futuristic red-white-and-blue set. He’d open with a few softballs (“What animal serves as Yale’s mascot?” or “What Ali McGraw movie depicts a story of tragic love at Harvard?”) and then move on to more difficult queries (“Who’s the current leader of Pakistan?” or “Which country was not in the former Warsaw Pact?”). Unlike Philbin’s regular show, there would be unlimited lifelines, so George W. could call Brent Scowcroft or Colin Powell for help with a foreign policy stumper, while Al Gore could consult with counsel if asked, “Which of these activities is prohibited by the campaign finance laws?” TIME SHEET SHARKS. Contestants vie for big money by guessing how many minutes a lawyer billed a client for a particular task (e.g., “Reviewed case files in preparation for telephone conference with opposing counsel”). This show would be full of suspense because no one really knows how long these things take. INVASION OF THE FEE-SNATCHERS. It’s the year 2020, and the Big Five accounting firms have gobbled up more than half the AmLaw 100. Lawrence Fox and his “Core Values Crusaders” mount a last-ditch effort to save the profession in this sci-fi horror flick. Viewer discretion advised. DULLES. Larry Hagman and Patrick Duffy return to the small screen as the Ewing brothers. It’s 15 years later, and they’ve moved to Northern Virginia to strike it rich as venture capitalists. Lawyers who want their business accost them day and night. And J.R. keeps stealing the most lucrative dot-com start-ups away from Bobby. NOTHING BUT THE TRUTH. Evading deposition questions is an art, so who better to host a game show about artful dodging than Bill Clinton, whose current gig expires in January. Contestants are peppered with questions from celebrity interrogators during one-minute lightning rounds. Whoever reveals the least relevant information takes home cash and prizes. HARRY POTTER AND THE ENCHANTED FILE ROOM. Yes, the rights would cost a fortune, but we could hook an entire generation with a Saturday morning cartoon about a grown-up Harry and his magical adventures as an associate with the firm of Hogwarts & Dumbledore. Among the future episodes already in the works: “Harry Potter and the Missing Bates Stamp” and “Harry Potter and the Prisoner in the Glass Tower.” THE LARRY KLAYMAN SHOW. Imagine if everyone’s favorite conservative gadfly had his own nightly gabfest. With the help of his sidekick, U.S. District Judge Royce Lamberth, Klayman would grill administration members about where they eat, what movies they like, and who’s sleeping with whom. And he’d have no problem booking guests: Those who refused to appear voluntarily could be subpoenaed. WASHINGTON SQUARES. Who would watch C-SPAN if there were a parliamentary game show with nine actual senators? Lobbyists would compete by trying to line up enough senators to pass their favorite bills while thwarting their rivals’ efforts (e.g., “I’ll take Trent Lott to block”). OUT OF BOUNDS. So many pro and college athletes are in trouble today that you can’t remember who’s on first and who’s in the slammer. It’s time for a hard-hitting, hard-news program that focuses solely on sports and criminal law. (Note to Accounting: To save travel expenses, we could air the show from our local affiliate in Tallahassee.) IN STYLE WITH WILLIAM REHNQUIST. When you think “daring legal fashion,” who else comes to mind but our very own chief justice? TRUE STORIES OF AMERICA’S PROCESS SERVERS. The creators of “Cops” are back with exciting footage of the men and women who use their brawn and wits to serve subpoenas. Highlights include confrontations with shotgun-wielding defendants and slipping into funerals to deliver papers to sobbing widows. LAW & ORDER: ANIMAL CONTROL UNIT. After one too many ethical lapses, Jack McCoy is demoted to the Animal Control Unit, where he’s assigned to prosecute New Yorkers who fail to clean up after their pooches. This one’s a guaranteed blockbuster — you can’t go wrong with an animal show. Yes, some of these program ideas might sound preposterous. But before you heard of “L.A. Law,” would you have believed that anyone would actually watch a TV show about life in private practice? Pass the remote.

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