Here at the firm we get memos. Lots of memos. Memos about new lawyers coming on board. You know the type: “Just in from Branson, Missouri, where he opened for Yakob Smirnov, let’s have a really big firm welcome for … !” Memos about important stuff at the courthouse: “All court offices in Billy Joe Ray Bob County will be closed Monday in honor of the Day on Which the Mexican Army Tried to Take the Stupid Canon From Goliad to Provide Useless Trivia That the Social Studies Teacher Could Flunk My Kids For.” Memos about memos: “Please limit the number of memoranda being sent. …” Mostly, though, we get memos about rainmaking, and why we aren’t doing enough of it.

Now I’m in favor of rainmaking, especially my own. I want to be able to walk into the monthly partners’ meeting with everybody just green because I’ve landed the IPO, six big class actions, the Dallas Cowboys’ criminal docket and the Mavericks’ exit strategy for Dennis Rodman. (My present thinking is to have the EPA designate Rodman’s hair as a Superfund site. He is then carried out of Lame-Duck Arena by guys in moon suits.)

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