“She also happens to be by far the best-looking attorney general in the country.”
—President Obama of California Attorney General Kamala Harris, during an April 4 fundraiser.
“I’ll speak slowly.”
—Connecticut Superior Court Judge Edward Mullarkey, who graduated from Harvard Law School, reportedly to an attorney who went to Yale.
“Justice Scalia writes smack. You can’t. Justice Kennedy waxes grand eloquent. You can’t. Justice Breyer writes simply. You should.”
—Senior U.S. District Court Judge Richard Kopf, offering legal writing hints in his blog Hercules and the Umpire.
“A great democracy does not make it harder to vote than to buy an assault weapon.”
—Bill Clinton, speaking on the 50th anniversary of Martin Luther King’s “I Have a Dream” speech.
“This case is going to end—while I’m still alive.”
—Senior U.S. District Judge Royce Lamberth in Washington on Sept. 10, urging prosecutors to decide whether to bring a new indictment against the company formerly known as Blackwater in the alleged manslaughter of Iraqi civilians, originally filed in 2007.
“Meanwhile, I’m stuck here making $172,000.”
—U.S. Rep. Phil Gingrey, R-Ga., per National Review Online, lamenting that his staff can get rich as lobbyists.
“It may surprise many New Yorkers to learn that there is a black market for office supplies.”
—District Attorney Cyrus Vance Jr. on the arrest of a Fried, Frank, Harris, Shriver & Jacobson employee for stealing more than $376,000 in copy machine toner.
“I am disgusted with this abusive process, designed to ensure that the player fails.”
—Alex Rodriguez, after storming out of his own grievance hearing when he learned that commissioner Bud Selig would not testify.
“Ben-Gay may be considered a performance-enhancing drug.”
—Albert Watkins, attorney for former baseball player Jack Clark, asking for clarification in a settlement offer to Albert Pujols’ attorney. Pujols was suing Clark for suggesting the Los Angeles Angels player used performance-enhancing drugs.
“Talk about overkill. He’s a criminal lawyer!”
—Fisher & Phillips’ J. Freedley Hunsicker Jr., remarking on the NFL hiring white-collar defense attorney Theodore Wells Jr. to investigate bullying allegations among the Miami Dolphins.
“Do not, under any circumstances, cooperate with the FBI.”
—Former CIA officer and torture whistleblower John Kiriakou, in an open letter to Edward Snowden.
“All of us agreed I would really not do very well with a judge or a jury.”
—Performance artist Holly Van Voast, on her settlement with the New York Police Department over 10 incidents of public nudity.
“I hope you were a better shot than Dick Cheney.”
—George Washington University Law School professor Jeffrey Rosen to Justice Elena Kagan during a June 29 chat about her hunting trips with Justice Antonin Scalia.
“It’s like landing in a gold mine.”
—Salesman Michael Lerouge, about the quality of the ornate desks being sold by Dewey & LeBoeuf after they filed for bankruptcy.
“If Bill Clinton was ‘the first black president,’ Anthony Kennedy has now secured his place as ‘the first gay justice.’ ”
—Michael Dorf of Cornell Law School, a former Kennedy clerk, on the U.S. Supreme Court justice being the swing vote overturning a section of the federal Defense of Marriage Act.