People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals brings in the lawyer who won Loving v. Virginia to argue its case that SeaWorld violated the 13th Amendment rights of five orca whales, but a San Diego federal judge dismisses the suit. “Forty years ago I fought for the fundamental right of people to marry the person of their choosing, regardless of race,” attorney Phil Hirschkop says. “Now I’m fighting for these orcas’ fundamental right to be free from enslavement regardless of their species.”

HACKED OFF

A Florida man pleads guilty in late March to hacking into the personal email accounts of more than 50 celebrities, including Scarlett Johansson, Mila Kunis and Renee Olstead. Christopher Chaney got Christina Aguilera to send photographs of herself “wearing very little clothing,” according to the indictment — shots that ended up on the Internet. Meanwhile, Lindsay Lohan wins release from probation for DUI. “Stop nightclubbing and focus on your work,” the judge advises.

STONE COLD