You know the drill – you wake up with an empty wallet and a mouth as dry as a standard engagement letter, begin slowly piecing together the night before from the various receipts and fast-food wrappers you’ve accrued over the course of the evening.

Typical expenses – enough tequila to pickle Oliver Reed (anywhere between £40 and £150, depending on the bar); kebab the size of a Tibetan yak (£6); two-minute taxi journey with complementary politically-charged commentary (£120).