Midlevel associates see and hear a lot at their law firms. Their comments are brutally honest—and often highly entertaining. We pulled together the most giggle-worthy advice and observations that young lawyers offered to their managing partners via comments in our Midlevel Associates Survey.

They have practical ideas.

“The amount of time we waste waiting for Outlook to load each day has to be costing the firm hundreds of thousands of dollars a day.” —4th year at K&L Gates

“The bathrooms on my floor need work.” —4th year at Kirkland & Ellis

“Do not hire assholes as partners.” —4th year at Baker & Hostetler

“We don’t need a billiards room.” —5th year at Fried Frank

But they still like to have fun.

“Have fun kayaking this weekend.” —3rd year at Dechert

“We should work to obtain the Chicago White Sox as a client instead of the Chicago Cubs.” —5th year at Kirkland & Ellis

They’re ruthless about hair.

“Consider a haircut?” —5th year at O’Melveny & Myers

“Shave that mustache.” —4th year at Dorsey & Whitney

They’d like some more perks.

“I would have all the equity partners gift 5 percent of their earnings to me.” —4th year at Dechert

“I would work 20 percent harder if we had a gym in the building. … It doesn’t even have to be our gym. I’ll join a gym, Barry. Just get it in the building.” —4th year at Saul Ewing

“Provide more food in the office. Would increase job satisfaction and productivity. You bill me out at $600+ an hour. A can of soup or a hot pocket pays for itself many times over.” —3rd year at Kirkland & Ellis in Washington, D.C.

But what they really love is great coffee.

“The Dallas office needs better coffee.” —3rd year at Alston & Bird

“The coffee quality is very inconsistent across offices, but that is about it.” —4th year at Baker & McKenzie

“We need better coffee machines!” —5th year at Milbank, Tweed, Hadley & McCloy

Meghan Tribe contributed to this report.