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Remember the old saying: “Smith to bed, Holyoke to wed”? That alluded to the mating habits of Amherst men back in the dark days when that college was an all-male institution, and Smith and Mount Holyoke were filled with young ladies looking to bag a preppy husband.

Well, I’ve coined a similar saying about law school choices—should you be fortunate enough to have a choice among the very best schools. It goes like this: Columbia for Big Law, Yale for awe. You might disagree, but that’s how I interpret the various rankings that I’ve seen so far this year.

Just recently, two additional law school rankings came out about employment results for graduates (I know every week there seems to be a new ranking on this score). One comes from Above the Law, the other from the National Law Journal; both looked at data from the American Bar Association.

Let’s start with Above the Law ranking. It’s smaller than most rankings—profiling only what it considers the top 50 law schools (the premise is that graduates of lower ranked schools won’t have much of a shot at a decent legal job so why bother). It also weighs how many federal (not state) clerkships the school pulls in—a statistic that’s often ignored in employment rankings of graduates. ATL’s selection is unabashedly elitest—which is fine with me (how many times do I have to remind you that law is a snobby profession?).

You can check out ATL for the complete list, but here are the top 10:

Rank

School

2013 Rank

Change

Score

1

Yale Law School

1

→0

87.45

2

Harvard Law School

3

↑1

86.59

3

Stanford Law School

2

↓1

85.76

4

Columbia Law School

8

↑4

77.7

5

University of Chicago Law School

4

↓1

77.05

6

NYU School of Law

10

↑4

76.69

7

Duke Law School

6

↓1

75.16

8

University of Pennsylvania Law School

5

↓3

74.43

9

University of Virginia Law School

7

↓2

73.89

10

University of Michigan Law School

12

↑2

69.56

Even if no one crunched the numbers, I think it’s a no-brainer that Yale Law should be number one. It’s small (Harvard Law is a factory in comparison), ridiculously elitist, and hyper-cerebral. As any New York City preschooler knows, if you get into Yale Law, you go. And no matter what tics you might have, you will be sought after by Big Law (you might not make partner, but every firm wants a Yale grad). Case closed.

Of course, as we all know, some Yalies don’t deign to join Big Law and instead go into academia—which explains why Yale’s name sometimes doesn’t even appear on the top 10 list for schools with best employment records. Rather than taking a real world job, they’re clerking or getting a Ph.D. in game theory or an S.J.D.

Which takes us back to Columbia Law School, where the real legal careerists are. Once again, it is hailed as the best school for employment prospects—especially Big Law. Reports The National Law Journal:

Nearly nine out of every 10 graduates from Columbia Law School in 2013 found full-time law jobs that were not paid for by the school itself—more than any other school, according to data from the American Bar Association.

Frankly, I’m getting tired about touting Columbia grads’ amazing employment prospects. I’m beginning to feel like an in-house flack for that school (I also feel guilty as an NYU Law grad). Just a few weeks ago, I posted about how Big Law loves, loves Columbia law grads. Enough already.

Anyway, there are more unpleasant choices in life. For that, you might want to keep in mind some law schools to avoid. Reports NLJ:

On the other end of the spectrum, more than half of Whittier Law School’s recent graduating class — 56 percent — were either unemployed and looking for work nine months after graduation or were in part-time, temporary or nonprofessional jobs.

While Whittier’s rate of “so-called ‘underemployed graduates’ was the highest reported,” says NLJ, it was hardly alone:

A “devastating” 26.8 percent of the class of 2013—the largest law graduating class on record—were either unemployed or in part-time or nonlaw jobs, Law School Transparency Executive Director Kyle McEntee said, citing the ABA findings.

More than three-quarters of ABA-accredited law schools—163—had underemployment rates of 20 percent or more.

Columbia or Yale? Stanford or Harvard? NYU or Chicago? You should have such dilemma.

E-mail: vchen@alm.com Twitter: https://twitter.com/lawcareerist