It’s official: judges are out of touch – with each other, anyway. Which is why a new telephone helpline is being set up to help brow-beaten benchers combat the emotional stress of listening to lawyers bicker endlessly over which comma was in the wrong place on what contract.

The helpline, which is launched this month and will apparently be manned 24 hours a day in case any of the old codgers can stay awake past 4pm, was announced by the Lord Chief Justice at some speech or other before Easter.