Like bacteria incubating in the cosy warmth of a rotting lung, a plan is now starting to form. Having ruled out vaccinations and sheep-dip-style dunkings, I settle on all-in-one chemical suits for the IT team. They must be clumsy, with unnecessary hi-tech devices and make meaningful communication almost impossible. So must the suits, which will be stored in the server room. We will block all the windows, erect barricades around the IT department and install a disinfectant moat around the perimeter.

In case of a breach, ancillaries must be identified. I can cross-train the real estate secretaries to deal with the robotic tape library and put librarians in charge of database administration.