1. Question: I do not have a gun license but I was carrying a .38 caliber handgun in my pocket when it accidentally fired and shot off my penis. I am afraid to go to the hospital as I’m concerned I may end up being charged criminally. On the other hand, I did SHOOT OFF MY PENIS. Can I really be charged with a crime here given the “punishment” I’ve already endured?
Answer: Yes, if you do not have a license you could well be charged with illegal possession of a firearm, notwithstanding the fact that your penis was shot off. (Opposing Views, Security Guard Shoots Penis Off, Charged With Crime)
2. Question: I live in a very rural area. Is it possible for me to obtain a special permit will allow me to legally drive while under the influence of alcohol?
Answer: Yes, in places such as rural Ireland, permits are available to individuals who wish to drive home on remote countryside roads after consuming two to three alcoholic beverages to “prevent loneliness and reduce the risk of suicides.” (ABC News, Irish County Lets Some Drive Drunker?)
3. Question: Yes, I did try to choke the man that I was sleeping with. But what part of “he attempted to pull more blanket on top of himself” do you not understand? Surely my actions were justified under the law, right!?
Answer: Negative. (UPI, Police: Woman choked blanket hog)