Various studies have confirmed that women often do not know how to take a compliment, especially from other women. For women lawyers this inability to recognize that you are successful both in your own estimation and within the workplace is especially magnified and can lead to dissatisfaction, and in some instances can be the reason behind departure from the profession.

The realization that I too was a victim of self doubt came over a decade ago. I was the sole shareholder of my own small firm of seven people, yet was able to land a very well-established financial services client. The client conducted yearly on-site audits and reviews. After the audit was completed—yes, we passed the audit—my client contact, also a woman, sat down to discuss the audit results. When she concluded, she asked me if I would speak at a monthly women’s meeting at the client’s office. Of course, I said I would be happy to, but I asked her why she would want me to speak and what would I speak about? She responded, “I would want you to talk about how you became successful.” I was stunned; the idea that I was a “success” or that I was considered successful never crossed my mind, especially since my firm’s operating account was far from any indicator of success.