In 2007, I informed a co-worker that I was going to have my first child. His response was, “You should probably just retire now. Your career is over.” I was 30 years old. Another discouraging statement was, “Maybe you should find another job before you start showing” (“another job” being one outside my chosen profession of law). Lastly, I was told by another firm employee that he had “only ever known one woman who was able to successfully pull off the full-time legal career and motherhood situation.” Situation? I was having a situation? I thought I was having a baby. Needless to say, I left work that day concerned that (1) my male co-workers hated babies; (2) I may lose my job; and (3) working full-time and parenting were still frowned upon with respect to women. I was not prepared for that final realization. “It’s 2007,” I thought. “Women can do it all. Haven’t they been doing it all for years?” My mother worked full-time, commuted two hours every day and raised two kids—as a single parent. The difference, perhaps, is that my mother worked for the federal government as a secretary. When she had her kids it was expected, and more acceptable, because of the line of work she was in. But apparently, in the world of professionals, according to some, anyway, it was still the 1950s, and professional females and parenting just didn’t mix. Those co-workers seemed surprised when I announced my pregnancy—like, “Hey, we just assumed you didn’t want kids because you have a career.” Well, I’m calling shenanigans.
In contrast to the people above, with their scary advice and disheartening statements, I have come across another sort. These people (usually male professionals) say things like, “I had young kids, too. I remember what it’s like.” In reality though, they don’t. The primary reasons being that either their spouses stayed home and took care of those kids, or they were financially endowed in such a way as to have a plethora of assistance: nannies, au pairs, live-in help. I have nothing against these parents—I wish I could afford live-in help (for my house, not my kids)—but I cannot relate to them. I prefer to raise my own kids; I want to prepare their meals, give them their baths, get them dressed and read them stories about creepy elves on shelves. I want them in a day-care setting; more socialization and a daily change in scenery. My point is that all too often the people who comment about understanding the plight of the working parent really do not get your “situation” at all. In my household, my husband and I both have to work full-time. We need both incomes. We both commute into Center City Philadelphia every day to get those incomes. That is our situation.
