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A new app funded by conservative interest groups has the potential to streamline our justice system. This app, the Scalia, Thomas, Alito, Roberts, Sometimes Kennedy and Now We’ve Got Neil Gorsuch Know-It-All System, or STAR-SKAN, uses artificial intelligence to distill the views of present and former Republican appointees to the Supreme Court into a handful of algorithms that can be uploaded and stored forever on a computer or iPhone and used to decide any issue touching on constitutional law. No more need for cases to wend their way through the lower courts to focus on specific actions and their effects. No more waiting months for briefing, argument and deliberations in the Supreme Court. The STAR-SKAN algorithms can resolve the knottiest legal questions in seconds—almost as fast as Donald Trump can tweet the answer. As a virtual, rather than flesh-and-blood, Justice, with artificial rather than emotional intelligence, STAR-SKAN avoids the vagaries of individual life events and will preserve the legacy of conservative Justices going all the way back to Roger Taney more reliably than any living Justice could.

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