At the beginning of each divorce case, I speak with the attorneys to find out what is truly in dispute. If they tell me that their clients are preparing to battle over their children, I speak directly to the parties to persuade them that, for the sake of their children, they must resolve their differences. I always hold this conversation with the lawyers present, and usually in my robing room, in the hope that the parties will listen attentively and feel free to ask questions. My goal is to remind them that they are reasonable, mature people who need not let their love and concern for their children be displaced by the sadness, rage and disappointment that accompanies the divorce. Often, they listen, weep, and then engage seriously in settling.
I adapt my talk to their particular concerns. This version is pitched to a family with a teenage daughter and a younger son.
