We have three dogs—all big, goofy rescue mutts—and love them dearly, though apparently not as much as some people love their dogs. Because until now, I was unaware of the existence of self-cooling mats, which keep your dog “cool and comfy with pressure activated gel technology that absorbs body heat and delivers relief for pets from heat or joint pain.”

Apologies to Bailey, Cassie and Merlin for depriving you of the latest in dog comfort. You’ll have to make do with lying on the tile floor in the bathroom and panting.