For most people, birthdays, holidays and anniversaries of obscure pagan festivals are a cause for celebration. And that’s even more true of employment lawyers. It’s not (quite) every day you can send out an alarmist missive warning that singing ‘Happy Birthday’ violates the human rights of those whose birthday it isn’t or invoke that old chestnut about how paying workers a proper wage threatens to ‘damage the competitiveness of UK industry’. Almost, though.

Having collated the numerous Valentines-themed discrimination briefings that inundated your correspondent yeat again this month, The Diary hereby offers its safety-first (and either slightly belated or very far in advance) guide to Valentine’s Day dos and don’ts. Actually, they’re all just don’ts.