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Being a law student isn’t easy. All those torts! They go right to your bottom. And the bad lighting! It’s no wonder lawyers look positively ghoulish. Now, as a public service, L magazine, which is not affiliated with, endorsed by, or in any way connected to Elle magazine, offers these quick tips to brighten your day and improve your chances of not being confused for an extra on “Six Feet Under.” SLEEP STANDING UP. It’s a fact: Excess water goes right to your eyes. The solution? Stay vertical. Not only will it keep that puffiness at your ankles where it belongs, it will virtually eliminate pillow creases on your face. Your friends will barely notice, and professors already think you are sleeping. STICK YOUR FACE NEAR THE RADIATOR. The heat will bring the blood to the surface of your skin, giving you that ruddy “just went canoeing” look. But ouch! Don’t get too close. A warm flush is in; a big scab is out. In a pinch, ask a friend to slap your cheeks ten times hard. WASH WITH SOAP. It may be hard to believe, but the stuff really works! Try rubbing some over your skin while in the shower, paying extra attention to those “out of the way” places. For a special treat, clean your hair. (Here’s a trick: Use “shampoo.”) Repeat once a day for maximum benefit. MASCARA IS YOUR FRIEND. Reduce dark circles below your eyes by painting them above your eyes. Makeup artists have used this trick for years. It’s called trompe d’oeil, literally, “a fake eye.” Or something. The point is: Everyone will think you meant to look that way. Hey, it works for raccoons. BRUSH YOUR TEETH. You’d be surprised what a simple little thing like cleaning two years of pizza from your molars will do for your appearance. Start with the ones in the back, and work your way forward. Save the big pieces for a late-night snack. TOSS THE SWEATS. Are you serious? Do you think your butt looks good in a shapeless sack of cotton? GREEN IS THIS YEAR’S BLACK. Gray is last year’s green. Blue is the previous year’s yellow. Got it? ROTATE YOUR UNDERWEAR. Front to back. Left to right. Every five thousand miles or ten pots of coffee, whichever comes first. JUST SAY NO TO: Lampshades, pocket protectors, ink stains, cheeseburger stains, burrito stains, baseball caps, high fives, highlighters, dates who want to take you to the law review office, casebooks with smiley faces, smiley faces. MOISTURIZE. Thorny procedural issues reduce body water by up to three liters per day. You could replace the lost fluid by drinking a lot, but that would give you gas and make your feet swell (a double bummer if you’re sleeping vertically). Instead, use a good moisturizer, which will cover cracking and flaking extremities long enough to glide past the bar examining committee. When all else fails, black spray paint will cover the bald spots. Remember, your body is your temple. Sacrifice!

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