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Until Halloween, I was a regular bicycle-commuting lawyer. That made me one of those weird lawyers in a firm who rarely uses his parking spot. I would hear things like, “he doesn’t drive a car; how does he get here? does he sleep here?” My favorite was, “Hey, Adam, how are you getting to court? On your bicycle? Ha! Ha! Ha!” Everyone loves that one. But as anyone who has ever tried to put on a suit in a courtroom bathroom knows, of course, you wear your suit while riding your bicycle. You just have to leave a lot earlier and avoid hearings and trials in the summer. Rubes aside, though, I loved cycling. Exercise, sun, books on tape, and no gym membership, all at the same time. In fact, I only survived my first three months at [name of big New York law firm censored to avoid potential lawsuit] because I rode to and fro on my bike. I would have continued, but the partners started asking why I was so happy and made me stop. But now, at least for a while, I’ll be in a gasoline propelled four-wheeled cage with everyone else. At least once I’m able to get out of my bed. It was Halloween afternoon. I was five minutes into my ride thinking only of the candy bounty my kids would bring home when, all of a sudden, I was flying through the air. Some cage driver, jealous of my obvious commuting enjoyment, rammed me and broke my bicycle. And my iPod. And my laptop. And my pelvis. But before you reach for your mouse to send me flowers and cards and other well wishes (which may all be sent to [email protected] or care of Beus Gilbert, 4800 N. Scottsdale Road, Ste. 6000, Scottsdale, AZ 85251) let me tell you what’s been good about this. After all, it’s the holiday season. Before I start, though, in case my boss reads this, I should say that I have missed terribly the work and the billables and I’m eating raw meat with bone-grow juice so I can take the Christmas shift. Here we go: 1. You don’t cast a pelvis so I don’t worry about signatures. 2. My wife brings me breakfast in bed every morning. Also lunch and dinner. That’s living. 3. I haven’t had to get dressed for weeks. Any billable work that comes my way is done as comfortably as possible. That limitation has the added advantage of affecting the type of work I can do. I just need to keep Westlaw’s mobile-phone-optimized site and my smart phone’s word processing abilities to myself. I mean online legal research is miserable enough without having to Shepardize on a 2 by 3 inch screen. 4. A bicycle accident is a great conversation piece. People are very eager to share stories they’ve heard about others’ bicycle accidents and how those people can’t walk or don’t live anymore. And as long as my wife isn’t around, I’m all ears. 5. This accident has given me a jump on retirement. Now I know all the best websites for buying walkers, the little rubber feet for crutches and canes, shower benches, and those rails you install on your walls to keep from falling. Think of all the time I’ll save when these are the things on my wife and friends’ Christmas lists. 6. I watched the first two seasons of “Lost” over Thanksgiving weekend and no one bothered me about that tremendous waste of time. 7. The best thing about breaking my pelvis, though, is that the bone is called “pelvis.” Different attorneys react differently to that word and I can tell what kind of work each does by how the attorney uses, or doesn’t use, the word. Litigators, for example, don’t care. “How’s your pelvis?” they ask, “Can you handle the hearing telephonically, then?” Personal injury types just sound wistful as they refer to the thrice fractured bone worth [blank] to [blank] times the medical costs. Transactional lawyers, though, are very uncomfortable with the word and will do anything to avoid saying “pelvis.” It must have something to do with its connection to the sexual revolution of the 50s, 60s, and 70s. Think of Elvis the Pelvis. Rocky Horror’s pelvic thrust during the “Time Warp” may also contribute. So instead, they will ask about my hip, my fractures, or my waist region in general. And a young associate once asked me about my pubic area. After the ensuing awkward silence, we just hung up. You know how nervous the young ones get. And those, my friends, are the top seven reasons to break your pelvis around the holidays. What I didn’t mention were all those well wishes you can expect. Adam Anderson is convalescing and hopes to get a new bicycle he can start riding soon to Beus Gilbert, PLLC in Scottsdale, Arizona.

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