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Life in the law is funny because it is the only industry that raises associate salaries year after year, and then complains about how associate salaries have spiraled out of control. It is funny because there is a group of associates at some firm somewhere that is incredibly adept at convincing the management of their firm that they are underpaid. These guys have chutzpah and you have to like their style. My vote is for their leader to be managing partner of everything. With Thanksgiving approaching, I want to express my gratitude for the law and all of its trappings, starting with this crew and those that accede to their requests. Way to work on associate morale. Keep pushing the boulder up the hill, my friends. I also want to thank my assistant for teaching me how to send calls to voicemail. I haven’t answered my phone since Memorial Day. Well, maybe since the summer associate scavenger hunt. Kudos to our recruiting team for keeping that up. Next year, they should get all the summers to make the Town Car drivers wait and then see who can avoid the waiting time. Victory. Why don’t the first years have scavenger hunts? The one thing I must say that I love this year is the Bluebook in color � what did we do without it. It is like watching my favorite Disney cartoon in Technicolor. Supra, infra, see this, but see that. It feels somehow bossier. The one thing for which I am not grateful is my CrackBerry. A few years ago, associates (same crowd that clamors successfully for the raises) were up in arms about getting them from their firms and were victorious in their pursuits. So we have them � who feels foolish now? It is like having a schizophrenic appendage that needs constant attention (umm, excuse me, the red light is calling). Speaking of attention, what is the dress code anymore. Some days it is a suit, others khaki pants and a button down. May I suggest law firm uniforms? Yeah, I am thankful for the prospect of a uniform dress code (and, of course, the raise that will result from the dissatisfaction raised by the omnipotent managing partner of all associates elected above). I love that crowd. Finally, I want to thank all (three) of my readers for looking at my column with amusement (bemusement?) over the past few years. It has been a good run and I have enjoyed the privilege of making you smile (come on, in three years, you must have laughed at least once) at the humorous side of growing up legal. If not, blame my editor, he takes all of the funny stuff out and leaves you with a lot of references to the Bluebook. Too much law review in school. If there are any law students reading this column, have no fear. Practicing is much more than salaries and scavenger hunts. There are also lists that tell you who gets what salary and where people find what they need in their respective scavenger hunts. Wait, there is no list for that. I have an idea for next summer. Wait, the red light is flashing again � I hate this thing. I mean, I live it. It makes me so much more mobile. Actually, I am the most mobile lawyer that doesn’t actually go anywhere. I guess I’m thankful for that. May we all continue to receive raises retroactive to our first years and bonuses just because everyone else is getting them. Happy almost Thanksgiving. The Disassociate� writes a syndicated humor column and blogs a daily comic at www.disassociate.netcelebrating life in the law. Contact The Disassociate� at [email protected].

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