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Revving for clients It’s quite a distance from the Arizona Republic newspaper ad 25 years ago that first allowed lawyer advertising to what a La Plata, Md., personal injury firm is doing this summer to get its name in the public eye. Jenkins, Jenkins & Jenkins�that’s father Louis Sr., and sons Louis Jr. and Frank�have their names painted on hypercharged stock cars. They claim, and no one is disputing it, that they are the first law firm to co-sponsor NASCAR racing teams for the season. The idea came from Frank, who told the Baltimore Sun he does see a certain humor in a law firm that lists auto accidents at the top of its stock and trade choosing to market itself this way. The rest of the family thinks he’s crazy, he said, but he also insists the phone calls are already coming in from clients attracted to fellow NASCAR fans. The firm won’t say what its alternative to a listing in the Yellow Pages is costing. But with nine teams�two in the Nextel Cup, three in the Busch series and four in the Craftsman Truck Series�the experts say it could be $2 million. No nodding noggins The story goes that last year, when an anonymous messenger had the nerve to present Chief Justice William Rehnquist with the bobble-head doll made in his likeness, his honor just laughed. Since then, two other justices have been so honored�and if they took any offense, we’re not hearing about it. Then again, the dolls are said to be classy china and not plastic, and no one’s calculating the value of a Supreme Court justice’s right to publicity. Not so with California’s celebrity governor, Arnold Schwarzenegger. The Smoking Gun Web site is running a copy of a heads-will-roll letter from Schwarzenegger’s lawyer, Marty Singer, to the Canton, Ohio, firm that began selling a bobblized version of the governor this spring. It is plastic, costs $19.99, and depicts him in a business suit holding an assault rifle. Singer’s letter charged “unauthorized, commercial exploitation” and asked for a disgorgement of profits, punitive damages and all the remaining dolls. The next day, Singer�his Century City, Calif., firm Lavely & Singer also represents actor Jean Claude Van Damme�filed suit against the doll maker in Los Angeles Superior Court. “He wants the doll terminated,” said the president of the defendant Ohio Discount Merchandise Co., Todd Bosley, who told reporters that he’s not worried because politicians are in the public domain. Scoring scammers Music producer Brad Zigler crunches numbers. Whether he’s comparing baseball greats or employment rates, he’s got it all reduced to numerical formulas. Question: Are today’s corporate scammers bigger crooks than their white-collar criminal predecessors, say Charles Ponzi from the 1920s or Ivan Boesky from the 1980s? The answer lies in what Zigler calls his Felon Index. “To compute the rankings, merely divide the amount of dollars swindled by the amount of time spent in jail,” Zigler explains. “Thus the higher the index number, the more money stolen and the less time served�the more the guy got away with.” And don’t forget to adjust for inflation. Michael Milken ranks close to the top, along with Bernie Cornfeld. The former’s score is 543, and latter’s is 2,559. (Cornfeld founded Investors Overseas Services and took the “investments” of a lot of ex-patriots and military people. Losses, after he and partner Robert Vesco bailed in 1970, amounted to about $500 million, or $2.3 billion in current dollars. Cornfeld served 11 months in a Swiss jail.) Applying the elegant equation to the future, Zigler figures that if Martha Stewart serves one year for avoiding losses of just $50,000, she’ll have the all-time worst score at 0.05.

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