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At Corporate Counsel we toiled day and night to hone the questionnaire we sent out for our 2003 Quality Of Life Survey, “Picking Up The Pace”. In the process of creating this data-gathering tool, some questions inevitably fell by the wayside. We wanted to share our outtakes with you. 1) The legal department is: -An elite force viewed with equal parts respect, awe, and quasi-religious devotion -Treated as an integral part of The Team, equivalent to, say, the goalie (except with more teeth) -Consulted as a matter of course, but with the lack of enthusiasm many reserve for a visit to a coastal scrimshaw museum -Always picked last for the softball team at company outings -Routinely festooned with garlic by superstitious coworkers 2) How would you characterize your year-end bonus or other annual incentive? -End-of-year bonus is large enough to start shopping for a marina -Bonus is modest but sufficient to justify decision to attend law school -Small bonus, but I’m given the honor of doing shots with the CEO during the holiday party -Infinitesimal bonus, but allowed to take home leftovers from the holiday party -Bonus consists of “collectible” S & H Green Stamps 3) Your company’s e-mail and intranet systems: -Are roughly equivalent in sophistication to Bill Gates’s high-tech home -Do the job for which they were designed -Are slow and prone to crashing but exorcism usually restores them to full function -Harbor more viruses than the Centers for Disease Control labs -Consist of five poorly trained circus mice and an elderly stenographer 4) Where does your company stand on reimbursing business expenses? -Use of sedan chair and motorcycle outriders accepted as legitimate business expenses -Wine vintages prior to 1980 generally disallowed -Policy is sensible and fair -Company encourages frugality -BYO paper clips 5) In the past year, how much of your vacation time were you able to take? -Six weeks in the summer, all major holidays, some minor holidays, plus the week between Christmas and New Year’s. -Three weeks’ vacation, but business with foreign clients meant working most major holidays. -Unable to take all accrued vacation time, nonetheless managed several long weekends off, which I find more restful anyway. -Sundays are often entirely my own � as long as I don’t check my e-mail. -On December 24 I made it as far as O’Hare airport before being paged and asked to return to the office. When I said that I would be out of town for Christmas, I was told enigmatically that it “was not a holiday in Thailand.” 6) In the course of your job, have you ever wanted your outside counsel to be consumed by: -A growing obsession with your company’s business -A compulsion to return calls promptly -Abject guilt for overbilling -A wracking cough -Tigers 7) Tigers? Really? -Or any of the big cats -Or bears -Perhaps just the cough

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