Second, she should blast away with hand-to-heart empathy: "This is a little awkward. . . . I wish I didn't have to tell you this, and I'm doing this because I care about you and I want you to be successful." This strikes me as a very Buddhist approach, which requires that people possess "right intention" before taking an action.
Third, the manager should employ this powerful phrase: "I've noticed that (insert conduct.)" This is powerful because it is direct and it reflects what the manager has observed (no pointing the finger at co-workers, which can trigger an employee's defense mechanisms). Being straightforward also is being kind; it avoids stretching out the message like the drip, drip, drip of water torture.
Fourth, the manager explains how the employee's odor impacts colleagues.
Fifth, the manager invites the employee to talk, by asking, for example, "What are your thoughts?" Then, the manager makes suggestions on how to fix the issue and concludes by thanking the employee for being willing to have the conversation.
Key No. 4: Script difficult conversations. I just finished reading, "The Young Professional's Survival Guide: From Cab Fares to Moral Snares" by C.K. Gunsalus. It is a first rate book on situational ethics.
She writes about how to deal with a situation involving possible wrongdoing. One of her students claimed, in a paper he submitted, that he attended a required event, but the attendance records showed otherwise.
How to handle that? Gunsalus advises developing what she calls a script, laying out her planned remarks.
She drafted an opening along these lines: "I am confused by an apparent conflict between your paper and the attendance records. My duty is to apply the same requirements to all students." That's fair to her and states her responsibilities.
She then crafted the script to create an opening for the student: "I hope you will be willing to share your reactions with me. Can you help me understand the conflict?" That's fair to the student.
She writes that this line demonstrates genuine interest in the other person's perspective, does not prejudge the situation and is an open-ended question inviting a response. If there is an innocent explanation, the student now has a chance to provide it.
