Ann Israel is the legal profession's Dear Abby. A New York legal recruiter since 1979, Ann is a past president of the National Association of Legal Search Consultants. Advice for the Lawlorn is updated every Tuesday.

Q:My question is regarding networking.

When I get a contact, I usually write a kind e-mail with a few general questions to the person. Often, I get the first response answering the questions. But I have found that after the first response, I usually don't get the second response. Is this standard industry practice, where one response is the norm and if you don't get in your question in the first e-mail, tough luck? How do you develop a contact so that you can get a second response?

First Response

Dear First Response: It would seem to me that you are not really using your contacts in the traditional sense of the word "networking."

Let's take a look at what is happening when you meet someone you consider to be a "contact." You have told us that once you have that contact, you write him or her an e-mail with a few general questions. That person usually responds back with some answers, but then you write back to him or her with more questions, and you generally don't hear back from that person a second time. This hasn't happened just once, but rather, most of the time. What does this tell you?

For me, it isn't saying that the industry standard is to ignore questions in a second e-mail sent from people who are trying to develop you as a contact. It says to me that you are going about the development of contacts in a completely inappropriate way.

Put yourself in one of your contact's shoes: He or she meets you and has a brief conversation with you. Perhaps you exchange business cards, which is generally the way contacts are established initially. The next day (or several days later), this new contact receives a pleasant e-mail from you, expressing how nice it was to meet you but then asking several questions, which requires this new contact to take the time to respond to your e-mail, perhaps even to do some research to give a proper response to the questions. The contact is being polite in responding to an e-mail to someone he or she has just met for the first time -- and more than likely for just a few moments.

No sooner has the contact sent off the polite response to these questions, but another e-mail comes in with more questions. Now this becomes a bit annoying since the contact is busy and trying to keep up with his or her own work schedule. "Who is this stranger sending e-mails trying to pick my brain?" the contact wonders, and, "What am I getting myself into if I respond again?"

I certainly can't be positive that this is what is happening, but it would seem to me that this is the logical conclusion. I can't think of any other reason why you wouldn't hear back from just about every new contact when you send that second e-mail of questions.

My suggestion to you is that you stop asking new contacts to supply you with answers to questions until you really get to know them. When you meet someone you consider to be a potential contact, certainly, it is proper to send them a thank you note or e-mail letting them know that you were pleased to meet them.

However, imposing upon their time and expecting them to help you with your issues at this early stage in your friendship is unfair to them and will more than likely put an end to any future relationship.

Just like any other aspect in your business career or personal life, a relationship takes time to develop. It needs to be nurtured and attended to before it blooms into something real and full-blown.

Take the time to get to know potential contacts before you start inundating them with e-mail and questions. Networking and developing contacts takes a lot of work.

I suspect you have learned a big lesson with the lack of response from those second e-mails you sent -- now move on and try not to be on top of people, but instead, slowly build up relationships to turn them into strong and dependable contacts.

Best wishes!

Sincerely,
Ann Israel
President, Ann Israel & Associates