Ann Israel is the legal profession's Dear Abby. A New York legal recruiter since 1979, Ann is a past president of the National Association of Legal Search Consultants. Advice for the Lawlorn is updated every Tuesday.

Q:My situation is somewhat complicated, but I will try and make my question as concise as possible. The background details are basically this: I am a midlevel litigation associate at a major national firm in its Washington, D.C. office. About six months ago I lateraled over from another major firm. The problem is this: My mom (who lives in another state) has recently been diagnosed with a terminal illness, and her prognosis is that she likely only has a few months to live (although just how long is anyone's guess).

As I just lateraled over six months ago, I do not qualify for the Family Emergency Medical Leave Act, and my present employer has told me that firm policies do not allow for an extended leave of absence (paid or unpaid) and that, although they feel for my situation, cannot support my taking more than a few weeks off (using my vacation) and that if I don't make my 2,000 hours it may be an issue come my review in January.

I have a difficult time understanding this reaction and am not sure if I want to be employed at a firm that clearly places so little value on family emergencies. In any event, I want to be there for my mom and am wondering what impact it may have on my career if I was to simply quit and be with her during this difficult time and look for another job after the dust has settled. Have you dealt with a situation like this before? Is my firm's reaction typical? Basically, what advice can you offer?

Thanks in advance,
Concerned in D.C.

Dear Concerned: I am so sorry to hear about your mom; I went through a very similar situation, and I know how very difficult this must be for you and your family.

Just so everyone is clear about the employment requirement for the Family Emergency Medical Leave Act, you must work for an eligible employer for at least one year. Unfortunately, six months does not even come close to the minimum requirement. Equally unfortunate is the fact that your firm's policies do not allow you to take a leave of absence at this time and, most likely, for the same reason that you are not eligible for the Family Emergency Medical Leave Act -- you simply have not worked at this firm for a long enough period of time. I would check in your employee handbook, but I suspect this is a standard policy.

That doesn't make it right, however. I could almost understand the firm's position if you were at a small boutique and your absence would most certainly be felt. But a midlevel litigation associate at a major national firm should, most likely, be one of many. Now, obviously, you were hired because there was a need, but one would hope that your absence for a period of time would not be completely devastating to the department. And after all, this is not exactly a vacation to Tahiti that you are requesting.

The problem here, though, is that you really don't know how long you will be gone. It could be a matter of only taking your two-week vacation, or it could be a year. One never really knows in a situation such as this. And so, ultimately, as uncaring as it seems on the part of your employer, I suppose we have to understand their position. I hope you know how much I hate saying that to you. Sadly, it is the stance an employer must assume to run a business.

So, what is my advice to you? I cannot tell you what to do in this situation; all I can do is to make some suggestions. If you do not want to give up this particular job, you could take off on a lot of Fridays, using your vacation, sick and personal days and spend many long weekends with your mother. Or, you can risk a bad review in January and just take a leave at this point. Or, go ahead and quit and worry about what you are going to do about your career down the road. One last suggestion: Is there any possible way that you can move your mom to D.C.? Would she be happier there with you, knowing that you could then be with her all of the time without giving up your job and life in D.C.? Certainly, the medical care would be top-notch in the D.C. area. Is that a possibility at all?

I do think you are in a tough situation because you are a midlevel associate and you don't know how much time you will be away from the practice of law. The good news is that I suspect you have good credentials along with good references from your first employer, which should help to overcome a gap in employment.

This is a tough situation, and any potential employer that doesn't understand it probably is not a place where you would be happy working. I do think you may have to sacrifice your interest in working at major law firms because that is the type of employer that would be less sympathetic to your situation. A smaller law firm might have more compassion for what you are going through when you try to re-enter the practice of law.

Again, I am so sorry that you are going through this difficult time. I hope your mom doesn't suffer; she is a lucky woman to have such a loving child who is willing to sacrifice so much to be by her side. Please keep in touch and let us know what you decide to do. We will all be thinking of you. Best wishes.

Sincerely,
Ann Israel
President, Ann Israel & Associates