Big Law partners often get a bad rap for being mean, evil, whip-crackers whose sole purpose is to dampen the hopes, dreams and spirits of little innocent Cogs. That is simply unfair. Not all partners are evil and they are not the only source for spirit-crushing behavior. Some of the meanest spirit crushers are other Cogs. In particular, crusty old crotchety senior associates.

How is that possible? Aren't we all in this together? Shouldn't a senior Cog remember what it is like to be a junior Cog and be a supportive guiding force -- like an older brother or sister?

Unfortunately, some senior Cogs who are like siblings are not of the kind and protective variety. Crotchety Cogs are like your older brother who used to pluck your ears and tell mom when you wet the bed.

But why?

Crotchety Cogs resent their younger siblings because their parents stopped paying as much attention to them when their younger, cuter siblings were born and forced them to start sharing a room and toys. Grr.

They are bitter that after six, eight or 12 years in the machine, none of their Cog friends are around to play with them anymore. They have to watch you younger Cogs frolic in herds -- off to lunch with your summer associate pals and heading out to happy hour with your classmates.

Senior Cogs are in that awkward junior high phase. Not quite old enough to hang out with the high school kids, but too old to hang with the middle school kids.

Or, worse yet, they are lateral associates who burned out from their first firm and mistakenly thought firm No. 2 or 3 would be different. These lateral senior associates are like the kid who transferred to a new school in 8th grade. They don't know who to befriend or how to fit into the cliques.

Sometimes this leads to a need to assert their seniority over pre-existing Cogs at their new firm: "Look Junior Cog, I realize you have been at Mega Firm for two years so you think you know more than me, but I have been practicing law for eight years, at four different firms and two different cities. So I think I know a thing or two more than you. You need to listen and learn."

Another possible reason for the bitterness coming from more Senior Cogs could be the lame-duck effect. Truly senior associates -- those consistently passed over for partner by younger Cogs and resigned to accepting permanent associate status -- can be some of the worst Cogs to work with.

Some Lame-Duck Associates assume you do not respect them. They know as soon as they try to assign work to a new Cog, the Cog will look them up on the firm's Web page and realize that they have been practicing law longer than the Cog has been alive, yet have remained stuck at the associate level. They feel you young Cogs judging them with your crisp new firm-issued legal pad in your lap waiting for them to download some painful work on you. And they know that if any partner gives you work, you will drop their assignment without any fear of repercussion -- and they hate that.

Crotchety Cogs are also bitter toward young Cogs because young Cogs force them to recognize that they are old. They remember the days when they knew the coolest new bands and which bars had the best draft beer selection. They remember when they used to go to the gym after work and travel on a whim to see a college roommate. But now they have to give up the gym in order to bill more hours in the hopes of finally moving up to partner. No more travel -- private school tuition is fast-approaching, plus the dogs are too expensive to board. And a late night at a cool bar has been replaced by dinner club with the neighbors -- which must end by 8 p.m. in order to get little Skippy to bed.

KNOW THYSELF: ARE YOU A CROTCHETY COG?

Is this you? To be fair, not all senior associates are bitter, mean-spirited or jealous of others' youthful glow.

How do you know if you are a Crotchety Cog? If you answer yes to any of the following, you might want to consider the possibility that you are a bitter, old Cog:

When you assign work to a more junior cog, have you ever said any of the following?

A) "Even you should be able to handle this assignment."
B) "Stop smiling -- this is not fun."
C) "If I extend the deadline for completion, will you teach me how to use Tweeter? I mean Twitter?"
D) "Come on -- assigning you this work at 7 p.m. on a Thursday and asking for a completed product by Friday morning is not unreasonable. You're young and can still pull all-nighters. I did it all the time at your age."

Have you ever done any of the following?

A) Take credit from the partner for the glorious memo carefully drafted by a third-year Cog after a series of all-nighters even though your only edit was to change your name as the author.
B) Prevent any direct contact between a junior Cog and the partner or client in order to avoid them realizing the younger Cog is the true genius and you are just a delegation machine.
C) Schedule a 6 p.m. meeting with a first-year Cog to prevent them from going to happy hour with their classmates to celebrate passing the bar.
D) Throw a junior associate under the bus for your error in failing to give them the correct deadline imposed by the partner.

Have you ever had the following thoughts run through your head?

A) "Summer Associates are overpaid parasites who are solely to blame for the decreasing size of my bonus this year."
B) "Sure, if I didn't have 3 kids and a strong work ethic, I, too, could have cut abs and a full head of hair."
C) "I didn't want to be invited to lunch anyway -- those kids waste too much time eating and drinking."
D) "If I give poor reviews to every Cog who works for me, the partners will think I am finally ready for partnership!"

If you are now aware of your crotchetiness, consider lightening up for the new year.

Do you have dirt to dish? Do you have a column idea? Or do you just need to vent in six-minute increments? Email the Snark at snarkatlanta@yahoo.com.