Ann Israel is the legal profession's Dear Abby. A New York legal recruiter since 1979, Ann is a past president of the National Association of Legal Search Consultants. Advice for the Lawlorn is updated every week.

Dear Readers: Thank you for an overwhelming response to last week's column about the associate who was hit upon by the "well-respected" senior partner. I thought I would reprint several of your messages this week that were representative of the many received.

THE DILEMMA

Q: I am a fourth-year associate at a Biglaw firm. I recently traveled out of town with a senior, well-respected partner at my firm to conduct depositions for a case I am working on with her. We had a few drinks with the client after the deposition and then a last drink in the bar, just the two of us. Then the partner tried to get me to come back to her room for a nightcap. I made an excuse, but what do I do the next time? Is this every guy's dream, or am I being sexually harassed?

READERS' RESPONSES

From an anonymous reader: I was at a satellite office of Biglaw and regularly worked with and for a married and later divorced female partner who was on Biglaw's managing board. She would regularly host boardgames after midnight in her office -- which was always fully stocked with cases of wine.

While I remain convinced she carried on an affair with a married, nonattorney subordinate and had a fling with a married partner, she never made any specific advances on me. However, I was pretty regularly chided for not staying and playing dice and drinking. Although I was not against drinking on principle, the need for sleep and the desire to avoid a DWI on the way home would send me running for the door after the final drafts had been turned in. Basically, my M.O. was always to make sure I was always with her and with at least one other person, even if it was nonfirm personnel.

We had a similar experience with her on a firm retreat. Not being able to beg out because of work the next day, each of the male associates turned tail once we realized there were no female associates around and one of us might be stuck as the last one in the room following the nightcap.

This stuff definitely happens, and the ridiculous hours put in at law firms can easily hide affairs, if not flings. While the question and answer were stilted because of the wacky facts, it was a worthy read and will probably provide good counsel to both new and experienced lawyers.

From S.B. in New York: I have seen this situation before. The best thing to do is refuse politely and act like it never happened. If it is ever mentioned again, allow the partner to save face by blaming it on the alcohol and/or stress.

If it happens a second time, do the same as before, but avoid working with the partner in the future -- and don't breathe a word of it to anyone.

If it happens repeatedly, speak to HR and consider a harassment suit -- while looking for another job.

From Anonymous in New York: Unfortunately, this is a scenario that I hear about from associates from time to time. It certainly puts the associate in a bit of a pickle. This associate really handled a tough situation well.

For the future, I agree that the best course is to try to steer clear of this partner, but that if the situation re-presents itself, the associate should let the partner know how flattered he is, but that he wants to keep their relationship at a professional level. The key to pulling this off without ruffling the partner's feathers and, potentially, creating a situation that would make the associate want to jump ship for another firm is to do it lightly, quickly and with a smile. And never to speak of it again.

ANN'S CONCLUSION

I was quite surprised at how frequently this type of situation seemed to occur but happy to learn how the associates handled it. What an awful position to be in but how impressive and mature you all are in the way you dealt with it.

For those of you who are celebrating, I wish you all a happy and healthy New Year (Rosh Hashanah). And to everyone, it is my hope that you never have to be put in an uncomfortable position of harassment such as what we dealt with in this column.

Sincerely,
Ann Israel
President, Ann Israel & Associates