Ann Israel is the legal profession's Dear Abby. A New York legal recruiter since 1979, Ann is a past president of the National Association of Legal Search Consultants. Advice for the Lawlorn is updated every week.

Q: This has happened to me a couple of times. I have gone in for an interview at a small or medium-size law firm: The attorney interviewing me speaks exclusively of himself for the entire time. I have enough common sense to listen intently and look impressed when he reveals his secret to conducting the perfect deposition, but I fear the only way to sell myself is by interrupting him.

The other concern I have is: Do I really want to join a firm where it seems people are hired solely on their ability to praise the boss?

Any suggestions for this situation?

Sincerely,
Not Wanting to Interrupt, but Still Need Employment

Dear Needful: Interviewing really can be terribly stressful. Seriously, it really is true that it can be one of the most difficult situations we face. I have so much empathy for you having to sit there as someone sits across from you and tells you how wonderful s/he is and really isn't interested in anything you have to say. I had a similar situation happen to me just the other day.

I was having a conversation with an individual, and we were talking about life in the country. He told me all about an adventure he had lately with bears in his neighborhood. I listened intently for about five long minutes and sympathized with him and then started to tell him about my latest adventure with bats in the house.

I said, "You won't believe it -- last week we had bats in the house."

He said, "Oh, bats, we had a bat on our porch once, but let me tell you about those bears ..." and on he went again, telling me the story all over again about the bears that were spotted in his neighborhood.

I sat there with a pleasant smile on my face and listened to the same story all over again, and when he was finished, that was the end of that. He wasn't interested in hearing about my bat story; in fact, I don't even think it registered with him.

So what was that all about?

I suspect he really couldn't care less about anything I had to say. He just wanted to talk about himself and about his career needs, and when we got off the topic of his law school, his job history and where he might interview and started talking about more personal issues such as homes in the country, he just wanted to talk about his own matters. This meeting was about him and about his needs and his life, and nothing else in the world was going to be discussed. That's fine with me since this was a business meeting, but I did find it very revealing about his personality. He could have at least winced when I said I had bats in my house!

So, what is happening with you? You too might be meeting up with individuals who are so self-involved that they really are not interested in what you have done or what you have to tell them, but rather, they want you to know how important they are. It happens, but I don't think that the purpose of the interview is for potential employers to check your ability to praise the boss, as you put it.

When you are thrown into this kind of situation, you have no choice but to sit and listen until the "lecture" is finished. If and when it is, and if there is still time left in the interview, then you must take that opportunity to say how impressive this individual's background is and this is one of the reasons why you want to work for this particular firm (if indeed you are still interested in the firm!). Take this chance to quickly mention why your skills and experience will mesh nicely with this individual's amazing resume.

Unfortunately, there may be some other reasons why an interviewer behaves this way. One reason might be simply because he or she is a very unskilled interviewer and has no idea how to conduct an interview. More than likely, though, when this happens it is because the interviewer has nothing to say to you or ask of you or simply is not interested in you so, instead, just decides to regale you of his or her self-proclaimed amazing achievements in the law.

Whatever the reason, and although I know you need to find employment, you really need to think twice when confronted with this type of blowhard. Do you truly want to be in the employ of such a self-centered individual? Is this going to be a long-term place of employment for you? Do you really think this is going to work out in the long run?

A successful interview is a series of give-and-take questions, answers and conversations. Yes, it is common for the interviewer to let you know why he or she has been successful when he or she is selling the firm or practice to you because they want you to join them! However, just bragging about their great successes over the years and never letting you get a word in during the interviewing process should cause you to raise a great big red flag and start thinking that this is not the right place for you.

Gut feelings are, usually, right on target. You had a feeling that this is not the right way for an interview to be conducted. Keep looking -- you'll find the right match.

Best wishes!

Sincerely,
Ann Israel
President, Ann Israel & Associates