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Legal Blogger Says Goodbye After Layoff -- For Now
The Devil Wears Brook Brothers blogger/columnist Sarah E. Klem is now pursuing her lifelong dream
The Legal Intelligencer
April 15, 2009
Sarah Klem
As you all know, I have a very active fantasy life. I fantasize about conversations I would have with my exes, with my friends' exes, with Oprah, with Howard Dean, with Peyton Manning, pretty much everybody.
So it should come as no surprise that when the economy made a turn for the worse, and I was suffering through a bad day at the office, I would sometimes fantasize about what it would be like to be called into a conference room and learn that my services were no longer needed at the firm.
In my head I was always very cool, confident, deliberate. I took the news with not so much as a bat of an eyelash. I smiled, thanked them for the opportunity and then started consoling them, letting them know I would be fine, and that this was for the best and they shouldn't worry about me, and if they ever need anything, they can just call.
Shockingly, with the exception of the call to a conference room, this is nothing like how my actual termination played out.
Instead, I was struck dumb. It was the others in the room that were gracious and articulate as I just sat there, blinking occasionally.
I was numb. I was being rejected. Sure, I have faced rejection in relationships several times, but I am lousy at relationships. So in those cases, failure and rejection are to be expected.
I thought I was good at work; failure was never an option.
Because it doesn't matter that the person sitting across from you is telling you that it has nothing to do with your performance, it still feels like you have somehow failed; that if you were better, this wouldn't be happening. And if you are as conceited as I am, it never once occurred to you, before this moment, that you could be any better.
After the shock wore off, as I walked to my sister's place to sit on her stoop, drink wine and eat Brown Betty cupcakes, I started to worry about really stupid things. Like whether or not the IS department was reading all my "deleted" e-mail. Or if all my haters were gathered at the Public House toasting: "Ding dong the witch is dead!"
Lots of wine helped assuage these initial fears. That and the reality check that the IS department had been reading my e-mails for the past two years. As for the haters, I imagine they would all do a little dance when they learned they would no longer have to suffer through another column of mine. But like Kanye once told me, that which doesn't kill me can only make me stronger.
The next day, lying on my couch with the remnants of a wine headache, I started to worry about more important things, like making rent and paying my bills and what happens if after my health insurance expires I fall and break my leg -- because, you know, I fall all the time.
In all my fantasies about how my termination would play out, never did I make it to the next day. This is when reality sets in and suddenly you don't know what you are going to do next.
So I had lunch with my mom, who wasn't surprised to see me hung over.
After all, when I called her the night before she told me to go out and get loaded. At lunch she offered me more advice -- take the next couple of weeks off.
This surprised me some. If I had fantasized having this conversation with my mom, this is not how it would have gone. But if anything, this experience has taught me a lot about how unrealistic my fantasy life is.
My mom pointed out that I have been working since I was 12 years old (that's right, I was a paper girl) and that I could use the time off to really think about what my next step should be, and not just jump into whatever job is offered me.
And as we sat there talking about how great this could be for me, I really started to believe it. I keep telling everyone that will listen that I want to be a writer, and not just someone that writes on the side, but I want my full-time job to be writing. My writing.
So, now I am living my dream. It is not quite how I imagined I would get here, but I am here and I am going to make the best of it.
People have remarked that this all seems so optimistic, especially for me.
But really what is the alternative? Hiding under my covers, wallowing because I failed as an adult and fearing that if I did leave the house I would catch some illness or suffer a debilitating injury that would land me in the emergency room without any health insurance?
There really is something to the old adage, "When life gives you lemons, you make lemonade."
Some of you may be saying, "Great. Bully for you, Devil. You have a dream and now you can pursue it, but what about me? My dream is to be a lawyer and if I lose my job, I don't have another dream to fall back on."
I will admit, that sucks. Not that your dream is to be a lawyer -- I mean, to each his own, right? But that your dream is put on hold.
Note, though, that I didn't say it was over. Some of you will find other jobs right away. Not because you are better or more brilliant than the others, though you may be. But just because that is how it goes.
For the rest of you: Who are we kidding? America will come out of this. And when it does, it will still need lawyers. In the meantime, scale back on your expenses the best you can, freshen up your resume and, while you wait for callbacks, read all those books you have heard so much about, or go see those movies everyone was talking about. Do the things you haven't been able to do when you had to worry about billable hours.
Also, consider volunteering. I mean, who out there didn't write on their law school application that they wanted to make the world a better place? Well, here is your opportunity.
Volunteer at legal aid or a pro bono clinic. Not only will you be doing good, but it will sound good when you finally do land an interview that you haven't spent the last six weeks perfecting your Wii bowling game.
But most importantly, try to keep some perspective through this really trying time. You still have your health, and some of you even still have your looks. Plus, the spring is coming, and as my sister pointed out, it doesn't suck to have time off when the weather is nice.
Yes, at times it will be hard, but you will get through them with the love and support of your family and friends.
Before I go, one last thing, I really enjoyed writing this column, well, not this one in particular, but all the rest of them. And I would continue to write it if I really thought I would have anything worth sharing. Some of you may argue I never had anything worth sharing. Regardless, it is time for me to move on, and hopefully this won't be the last you hear from me.
Sarah E. Klem formerly worked at a law firm in Philadelphia's Center City and has opened her South Philadelphia apartment to a foster dog named Reggie, an 8-year-old cocker spaniel that enjoys watching Sarah put on her makeup in the mornings.
This article originally appeared on YoungLawyerOnline.com, a Web site affiliated with The Legal Intelligencer.
