I am seeing double. Last week's Law Tribune profiled two enterprising members of the bar who have incorporated a second business into their law practice; one has opened a law firm/barbershop, the other has started a New Age gift shop in the building that houses her firm. While such hybrids seem sound strategy in a difficult economy, I, alas, lack both a marketable skill and a head for business — but I am chock full of clever ideas (with an assist from my witty girlfriend):
Legal Puffery: It's mass tort(-e) litigation at its finest at this combination bakery and boutique firm. Make sure to try the Bit of Mandamus Pie and the Choc-litigation Cake. Beware: The desserts are sweet, but the attorneys aren't!
A Posing Counsel: Have your picture taken while you consult with an attorney — Christmas card pictures, prom photos, glamour shots, passport photos, we do it all. Look your best even when things are at their worst!
Probable Claws: Tired of trimming Fido's nails? Is your long-haired Persian princess in need of a styling? Bring your unkempt pet and your legal troubles to one of our experienced lawyer-groomers and we'll get both under control.
Burden of Proof: Whether crafting a smooth small batch bourbon, or crafting a clever legal argument, our team of talented Distilligators™ is available to help you litigate (or drink) away your problems. (Note: Also available for DUI cases.)
In Loco Parentis: At Connecticut's only combination Tex-Mex restaurant and juvenile law firm, our staff serves up equal parts deliciousness and compassion. Sample our homemade guacamole while we help solve your homemade problems!
Chambers Copy: Second careers for judges are all the rage and now the document production industry is the beneficiary. From briefs to transcripts to exhibits, our ex-benchers will make sure your copies are excellent! (Copies finished in 120 days or your money back.)
Out On Bale: Today's farmer faces many challenges, but where to turn for livestock feed and legal advice shouldn't be one of them. Our free-range attorneys know the law and know their grasses. And remember, you don't pay if we don't make hay!
JailBait: Whether you're fishing for bass or you've been fishing for trouble, JailBait is the place for you! Browse our amazing selection of rods, reels, tackle and live bait and then let one of our experienced defense attorneys find your bridge over troubled water.
Pal-imony: Nurture your bromance while you end your romance! A full-service divorce firm housed in a 10,000 square foot indoor activity center, Pal-imony's experienced professionals are equally at home in a courtroom and a paintball arena. Or simply relax and have a beer at our in-facility bar and lounge and vent about your (soon-to-be) ex-spouse to one of our sympathetic lawyer-bartenders.
Time Sheets: Whoever said the law is a snooze … was right! From thousand-count sheets to multi-count complaints, our bedding barristers have an eye for stylish bedroom décor and a knack for winning cases. Our mattresses may be pillow-tops, but our lawyers are hard as nails!
Supreme Courting: Looking for your soul-mate? Have other dating services let you down? Our combination of speed dating and speedy representation takes the hassle out of finding that special someone and the sting out of your legal quandary.
Here, Say?: Real estate brokers and real estate lawyers — together at last! At Here, Say?, we will find your next home, help you move your office and handle the closing, too. Location, location, location!
On The Record: If you're looking for that classic LP, or you want to form an LLC, On The Record is for you! All lawyers have JD's, but our lawyer-DJ's also know every classic track from U2 to EMPD. (Be sure to ask about our per-album retainer.)
iObject: Buy, sell, or swap your used Apple products and chat with a lawyer at our electronics and legal co-op. Whether you want to trade an iMac, or your son got caught selling crack, iObject is the place for you! [NAME PENDING OUTCOME OF TRADEMARK INFRINGEMENT LAWSUIT]•