(Courtesy of TSMP Law Corporation)

Who gets the highest ranking for sex appeal, prestige and verbal complexity? Here they are:

1. The coolest, sexiest, most awesome law firm in the world. Sorry to burst your bubble, but it’s not a Wall Street firm or an entertainment boutique in Beverly Hills. It’s not an American firm at all. Nor is it a firm based in Paris or Milan.

The winner of the most amazingly stylish firm in the world goes to Singaporean firm TSMP (photo above).

Never heard of them? Neither did we until RollOnFriday recently profiled TSMP on its site. Though RollOnFriday can be quite snarky about lawyers, it seems quite taken by TSMP, noting that the “confident swagger and cocktail dresses” donned by the firm’s lawyers in the photos “wouldn’t embarrass a Topshop ad.”

But TSMP lawyers are not just a bunch of vapid fashionistas. According to Chambers, TSMP is a serious firm that’s ranked “among the top 15 largest firms in Singapore,” with a “reputation as a ‘go to’ firm for complex, cutting edge legal work.”

Yo, AmLaw firms, are you taking notes?

2. Most prestigious law firm in the world is . . . a snore. This is rather anticlimactic, but Wachtell, Lipton, Rosen & Katz gets another prize for being the most elite of the elite. It came out #1 (again) in this year’s Vault‘s law firm rankings for prestige. (Vault surveyed nearly 17,000 law firm associates who rated law firms on a scale of 1 to 10 for this most coveted prize.)

Wachtell, as every hungry 1-L knows, blows all other firms out of the water in making money ($4.755 million in profits per partner). Cravath Swaine & Moore came in second place on the Vault’s prestige list; its PPP was a mere $3.290 million.

Winning in this category is very simple: Richest=Most Prestigious. And if money is your preferred aphrodisiac, Wachtell would take the sexiest firm in the world prize too!

3. Most poetic justice. Actually, I’m not sure “poetic” is quite the right word. “Rappiest” or “hip-hoppest” might be more appropriate.

In any case, two law professors at University of Chicago, Adam Chilton and Eric Posner, with research assistant Kevin Jiang mined the data on vocabulary used by U.S. Surpreme Court justices in their opinions, comparing their deployment of words against that of rap artists, DMX, Jay Z and Aesop Rock, and Shakespeare.

And guess what? Justice Scalia has a richer vocabulary than Shakespeare or Jay Z! Writing in Slate, Chilton, Posner and Jiang describe their findings:

Antonin Scalia uses the most complex vocabulary, exceeding even that of Shakespeare. Last year, he memorably called the majority opinion “legalistic argle-bargle” in United States v. Windsor, one of the gay marriage cases. Kennedy, who is our idea of a bad writer, receives the lowest rating.

But, alas, Scalia was beaten by rapper Aesop Rock. So does that mean that the rapper trumps Scalia and Shakespeare on the poetry front too? And does obscenity and slang count in the vocabulary measure of the study?

I asked Posner these questions, and he confesses that he’s never listened to Aesop’s music. But slang and obscene words certainly count in his study, he says, adding that Shakespeare used made up words and slang—not to mention obscenities—all the time.

(Hat Tip: ABA Blog)

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